The Story of Ian and Larissa

Marriage Isn’t For You Seth Adam Smith / November 2, 2013

Kim and I

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

The Church, God's Agent of Change and Transformation

We, the Church are the visible representation of God’s Kingdom Rule and Reign here on Earth, we are his messengers of hope, love and compassion, salvation & restoration, the people we see every day are the people for whom Jesus died on the Cross for, we are the ones who are to bring hope and healing to our communities.

Acts 2:42-47

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

42 They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

43 Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. 44 And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; 45 and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. 46 Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, 47 praising God and having favour with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Four Commitments (2:42)

The outpouring of the Spirit produced not just momentary enthusiasm but four continuing commitments: to learn, to care, to fellowship and to worship. The apostles' teaching probably included an account of Jesus' life and ministry, his ethical and practical teachings, warnings about persecution and false teaching, and the christocentric Old Testament hermeneutic.

But at its center was the gospel message. And so today, to devote oneself to the apostles' teaching means evangelism as well as edification (4:2; 5:42; 15:35).

The apostles' fellowship and breaking of bread was a sharing of possessions to meet needs and of lives in common meals (2:44-46). What an inviting way of life for our day, when "loneliness drives people into one place, but that does not mean that they are together, really" (Ogilvie 1983:74).

Finally, Luke portrays prayer as integral to the church's life (compare 4:24; 6:4; 12:5; 13:3; 20:36). It is the essential link between Jesus and his people as they carry out his kingdom work under his guidance and by his strength (4:29-30; 6:6; 8:15; 14:23; 28:8). The reputation of the vital, growing Korean church as a praying church shows that the maxim is indeed true: "the vitality of the church was a measure of the reality of their prayers" (Williams 1985:39).

A Caring, Joyful, Transparent Fellowship (2:44-47)

In expression of their Spirit-inspired togetherness, the believers pooled their resources. Individuals voluntarily sold property and goods, contributed the proceeds to a fund from which any Christian (and possibly non-Christians as well) could receive help, as he or she might have need. What a standard for today's church! Indeed, "what we do or do not do with our material possessions is an indicator of the Spirit's presence or absence" (Krodel 1986:95).

The community lived out its commitment to the apostles' teaching by gathering each day in the temple courts to hear instruction. They probably met in Solomon's colonnade, at the eastern end of the court of the Gentiles (5:12; compare 5:20-21, 42, and Jesus' practice—Lk 20:1; 21:37). In the temple they also fulfilled their commitment to prayer as they engaged in corporate worship.

Daily the community broke bread together in homes—sharing a meal, beginning it with the bread and ending it with the cup of the Lord's Supper (Lk 22:19-20; 24:35; Acts 20:7, 11).

With constant intimacy, exultant joy and transparency of relationship they enjoyed the graces of Messiah's salvation in a true anticipation of his banquet in the kingdom (Lk 22:30; compare Acts 16:34). It was a gracious witness to the people (laos), "Israel as the elect nation to whom the message of salvation is initially directed" (Longenecker 1981:291).

Today growing churches manifest the same "metachurch" pattern: celebration, joining in large gatherings for worship and instruction, and cell group, meeting in home groups for fellowship and nurture.

Impact: Church Growth (2:47)

Every day the Lord Jesus by his Spirit saved some, incorporating them into their number. God's plan is for churches to grow. The challenge for us is, "Will we meet the Scriptural conditions for growth: a dedication to be a learning, caring, fellowshipping, worshipping church?" Will we meet the one essential condition? "As empowering follows petition, so evangelism and Christian unity or community follow Pentecost. The empowering, moreover, is repeatable. So pray!" (Talbert 1984:17).

IVP New Testament Commentaries are made available by the generosity of InterVarsity Press.

Reformation Study Bible

2:42 the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. This is a summary of the essential elements needed in Christian discipleship. They are elements the apostles had learned from their experience with Jesus: His teaching about His person and work (Matt. 16:18, 19; Luke 24:46) and their Christian responsibility as His followers (Matt. 5–7), the fellowship of Christ with His disciples (John 13), the Lord’s Supper—the breaking of bread (Matt. 26:17–30), and His prayer life for and with the disciples (Matt. 6:5–13; Luke 11:1–13; John 17).

Matthew 16:17-19

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

17 And Jesus said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon [a]Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. 18 I also say to you that you are [b]Peter, and upon this [c]rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth [d]shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth [e]shall have been loosed in heaven.”

Dictionary of Bible Themes

7027 church, purpose and mission of

The church is called to praise and glorify God, to establish Jesus Christ’s kingdom, and to proclaim the gospel throughout the world.

God’s purposes for the church

To praise God 1Pe 2:9 See also Eph 1:5-6,11-12,14; Heb 13:15; 1Pe 2:5

To share God’s glory Ro 8:29-30 See also Mt 13:43; Jn 17:24; Ro 9:23; 1Co 2:7; Php 3:21; Col 3:4; 2Th 2:14; Rev 2:26-27; Rev 3:4-5,21

God will build his church Mt 16:18-19 See also Mt 27:40 pp Mk 15:29; Jn 2:19-22; 1Co 3:9; Eph 2:21-22; Eph 4:11-13; Heb 3:3-6; 1Pe 2:5

To challenge Satan’s dominion Eph 3:10-11 “rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms” refers to the powers of evil. See also Mt 16:18; Eph 6:12; 1Jn 2:14

To go into the world in mission 2Co 5:18 See also Mt 5:13-16; Mt 28:19-20; Mk 16:15; Lk 24:48; Jn 20:21; Ac 1:8; Php 2:15-16; Col 1:27

The church’s mission

To preach the gospel to the world Mk 13:10 pp Mt 24:14 See also Mt 28:19; Lk 24:47; Jn 10:16; Ac 13:47

To do good to all Gal 6:10 See also Mt 25:37-40; Lk 6:35; Ac 9:36; Eph 2:10; 1Ti 6:18; Jas 1:27; 1Pe 2:12

Images of the church’s mission Mt 5:13-16; Jn 15:5-8 A fruitful plant in a fruitless world: Mt 7:18-19; Ro 7:4; Eph 5:9-10; Php 1:11; Col 1:6,10; Jas 3:17 Salt in an insipid world: Mk 9:50; Lk 14:34-35 Light in a dark world: Ro 13:12-14; Eph 5:8; Php 2:15; 1Th 5:5-6

The growth of the church

Numerical growth among the first Christians Ac 11:21 See also Ac 2:41,47; Ac 4:4; Ac 5:14; Ac 6:1,7; Ac 9:31,42; Ac 11:24; Ac 12:24; Ac 13:49; Ac 16:5; Ac 17:4; Ac 18:8; Ac 19:20

The church is to grow to maturity Eph 4:12-13 See also Php 1:6; Php 3:13-15; 2Th 1:3

Aspects of growth Growth in character: 2Co 9:10; 1Th 3:12 Growth into Christ: Eph 4:15; Col 1:10; 2Pe 3:18

Heb 6:1 growth in understanding

Prayers for the growth of the church Eph 3:14-19 See also Eph 1:17-19; Php 1:9-11; Col 1:9-12; 1Th 3:11-13; 2Th 1:11-12

Visions of the church’s final destiny

Rev 7:9-10 John’s vision of the church in glory. See also Mt 24:31; Jn 10:16; Eph 1:10; 1Th 4:16-17; Heb 12:22-23; Rev 21:2

Ephesians 3:9-11

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

9 and to [a]bring to light what is the administration of the mystery which for ages has been hidden in God who created all things; 10 so that the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known through the church to the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was in accordance with the [b]eternal purpose which He [c]carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord,

Matthew Henry’s Commentary

, Eph. 3:10. This was one things, among others, which God had in his eye in revealing this mystery, that the good angels, who have a pre-eminence in governing the kingdoms and principalities of the world, and who are endued with great power to execute the will of God on this earth (though their ordinary residence is in heaven) may be informed, from what passes in the church and is done in and by it, of the manifold wisdom of God; that is, of the great variety with which God wisely dispenses things, or of his wisdom manifested in the many ways and methods he takes in ordering his church in the several ages of it, and especially in receiving the Gentiles into it. The holy angels, who look into the mystery of our redemption by Christ, could not but take notice of this branch of that mystery, that among the Gentiles is preached the unsearchable riches of Christ. And this is according to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord,Eph. 3:11. Some translate the words kata prothesin ton aionon thus According to the fore-disposing of the ages which he made, etc. So Dr. Whitby, etc. “In the first of the ages,” says this author, “his wisdom seeing fit to give the promise of a Saviour to a fallen Adam: in the second age to typify and represent him to the Jews in sacred persons, rites, and sacrifices: and in the age of the Messiah, or the last age, to reveal him to the Jews, and preach him to the Gentiles.” Others understand it, according to our translation, of the eternal purpose which God purposed to execute in and through Jesus Christ, the whole of what he has done in the great affair of man’s redemption being in pursuance of his eternal decree about that matter. The apostle, having mentioned our Lord Jesus Christ, subjoins concerning him, In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him (Eph. 3:12); that is, “By (or through) whom we have liberty to open our minds freely to God, as to a Father, and a well-grounded persuasion of audience and of acceptance with him; and this by means of the faith we have in him, as our great Mediator and Advocate.” We may come with humble boldness to hear from God, knowing that the terror of the curse is done away; and we may expect to hear from him good words and comfortable. We may have access with confidence to speak to God, knowing that we have such a Mediator between God and us, and such an Advocate with the Father.