Living a Life without Limits.

Living a Life without Limits.

  

I’m going to ask you to think about this question and I would like you to pray about your answer and see what God will speak to you about? The question is what is limiting and/or restricting your life reaching its full God ordained and significant potential?

Seriously what is holding you back?, is it circumstances, disappointment, previous or existing rejection, the fear of rejection, fear of failure, or are you just scared etc., etc., this list could be almost endless but hey I can’t ask you what is holding your back only you can ask yourself that question?, I would like to clarify that God’s morals and ethics aren’t what is holding you back they’re non-negotiable.

In some ways it’s the easiest thing to do, sitting either reminiscing about what has happened in the past or even day dreaming of what could happen in the future, but in both cases we’re letting life was all it’s fulfilment pass us by because we’re too busy reminiscing about the past or day dreaming about the future,  yesterday isn’t today and today isn’t tomorrow!

Earlier today, I had an email but unlike every email I’ve had today, this was prophetic, yet it wasn’t from a prophet or any other church leader, it was a job advert, to look at the email initially it looked boring and I didn’t pay it much attention, however when I took another look at, and thought’s it’s only an advert from the Royal Navy but the title caught my attention, “ Live a Life without Limits”, this title caught my attention and lead to chain of thought and I asked myself this question if serving in the Royal Navy is  Living a Life without Limits, how much more then should the Christian Life be Living a Life without Limits ?

In some ways we’ve contained ourselves by our present circumstances and situations we hold onto things than aren’t relevant or helpful or indeed beneficial  for us to do any longer, whatever that may be, instead of life in glorious hd we’ve settled for a monochrome lifestyle, a life devolved of power, passion, praise and purpose because of what happened in our past we try to find fulfilment in our yesterday when we need to find that fulfilment in today and we hope and pray for our better tomorrow however that tomorrow is actually today.  We become seemingly paralysed by the fear of failure and indecision, too afraid to make a move in case we make a mistake ! If this sounds familiar stop for moment, pray and ask the Lord to show you what you need to do?, however I’m going to give you a clue in  involves movement on your part !

Life was never meant to be dull and dusty, predictable and  pain free, however we like the safety net  of predictably, comfort and familiarity!  It’s time to Live our Lives without our self imposed Limitations.

It says in Ephesians 3:20-21 ESV

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what does it mean to be a Christian Believer or Disciple in 2016, and for an example is it any different from being a Believer in 1916?, The world and society have changed a great deal in the last 100 years, the World has seen two World Wars, we have seen the rise and fall of political, economic & social systems,  we've seen an increase of the advance of technology and we’re reaping in many ways both the benefits and disadvantages of that technology!

We face both challenges and opportunities, persecution and praises, but then did the Church of the 1st Century AD, the Christian Life was never meant to be boring, predictable and dull.  Our Lord Jesus says in John 10:10b “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”

I give my life to Jesus in 1981, and have been a Jesus Follower or Disciple since then, my background is Welsh Pentecostal, and I  was part of a great Christian Fellowship called The Apostolic Church (Apostolic not as in Oneness Gospel, They’re Trinitarian) for the early part of my Christian Walk, and in many ways Welsh Pentecostalism is closely related to the Welsh Chapel or Non-Conformist Culture, although in some ways has strong Evangelical roots.  I’m not criticising or condemning that Culture, I grew up in it and it’s my history. However for most of the last 20 years I've been part of the Evangelical stream or movement , and have found myself drawn back to the Pentecostal movement which is very much my present and indeed my future, these are the people God has called me to share my life with and be part of.

In many ways, history can be positive, negative or neutral. All of us have a history that includes a combination of various factors including good, bad and neither good or bad, we’ve all made mistakes and errors, but there have been times when we’ve done things well and are proud of what we’ve done and there times we regret, or are ashamed or embarrassed/disappointed about, we’ve all disappointed and hurt others and we’ve all been disappointed and hurt by others, sometimes unintentionally and if we’re honest intentionally too! It’s time to forgive ourselves and forgive others, for many of us unforgiveness is holding us back!

Matthew 6:14-15

 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Colossians 3:12-17

12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1 John 1:5-10

5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practise the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Many of us need to break free of our history, or the version of our history we believe or the version of our History that others have told us,  our history has little bearing or relevance to our present or a future,  our present and future isn't a  or no longer a case  of history repeating itself and its time to realise that for ourselves both on an individual or collective basis, our history isn’t our present or indeed our future, for too long we’ve lived in the present and looked to our  future and they for various reasons have become a continuation of our history,  today it’s time to stop and break that cycle.

We can no longer live in our history, wishing tomorrow, tomorrow I love you tomorrow, which is our present and future, then continue to live today as if was yesterday or indeed expect tomorrow to be like our yesterday,  we can't travel back in time to change our yesterday, we can only live for today and pray, plan and prepare for tomorrow!

Can you imagine that  you live in a rickety old house that is falling down all around you, and there cobwebs and dust everywhere, there are no modern conveniences like running water or electricity, but you like it because it’s familiar and in way it feels safe and comfortable, suddenly there is knock on your front door and Jesus is standing there, and he asks you why are you living in your old house that doesn’t suit you when he has a better house for you, and just behind Jesus, you see a fantastic house,  your heart says wow, but your head says no, and you say thank you, Lord but I like my house and you close the door on Jesus,  you go and sit on your broken chair, and think I like my house it’s familiar then there is another knock on your door, and Jesus is standing there again, and again he shows the new house, and you think to yourself, I will visit this new house, and you walk inside and it just blows you away,  it’s your dream house, but you keep looking back at your old house,  and say you to yourself,  this new house is fantastic but my old house is familiar and go thank you Lord for showing me this new house but I still rather live in my old house, and close the door of the new house behind you, thinking this new house is too good for me and I don’t deserve it, you go back to your old house and you sit there and the rain comes and wind blows, and you think to yourself I can patch up this old house it wouldn’t be as nice as the new house, but it would be better than before, then there is another knock on your door and your answer it and it’s Jesus again, and you tell him your plans for your old house and he smiles and says to you, why continue to live in this old house when I’ve given this new house which is better for you and you do deserve it because I’ve forgiven you and because you’re in me and I’m in you. Then  you  suddenly find yourself   walking towards the new house, you start to get excited and start running towards it, and you say to yourself, it’s mine.  You sit in your new house on a comfortable sofa and Jesus is there with you, and you get up and to say thank you, you make Jesus a cup of tea, and through the kitchen window you see your old house and think to yourself why did I live there so long! When I could have lived here instead.

The old house is your history, and when Jesus shows us our new house which is our present and future, but because of we’re familiar with our history and because of our history we feel we don’t deserve our possible present and future, so we decide to patch up our history, but Jesus has better plans for us than to patch up our past he has a far better present and future that we think we deserve because of our history!

It says in Isaiah 43:18-19

“Remember not the former things,

    nor consider the things of old.

19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;

    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

It also says in Jeremiah 29:11-14a

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[b] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the Lord

Yours because of His Grace and Mercy

Vue cinema apologises after friends 'are turned away by security guard because they were not a Muslim family celebrating Eid' Daily Mail.

  Leon Jennings visited Birmingham's Star City complex with two friends 

  Claims security guard said film showings at Vue were only for Muslims

  Allegedly told his group that they 'did not look like they celebrated Eid'

  Venue based in Aston area of city, where 87% residents are non-white

  Vue is investigating and 'sincerely apologises for inconvenience caused'

  Star City management claim 'there is no truth in the recent allegations'

A sales consultant was allegedly turned away from a busy cinema yesterday because he was not a Muslim celebrating Eid.

Leon Jennings had been visiting Birmingham’s Star City entertainment complex with two friends.

But as the 22-year-old tried to enter the Vue cinema based on the site, which includes dozens or bars and restaurants, he said he was turned away by a security guard.

After asking them why, Mr Jennings claimed he was told by staff that film showings were only for couples and families celebrating the end of the Muslim festival.

Mr Jennings and his three friends were allegedly forced to turn around and go home unable to watch a film at the complex, because ‘they did not look like they celebrated Eid’.

Today he said he was left feeling embarrassed by the incident and felt discriminated against for being white.

The revelation has caused outrage as other visitors reported similar experiences across the venue, which is based in the Aston area of the city, where 87 per cent of residents are from an ethnic group other than white.

Mr Jennings, a viewing consultant at a photography studio, from Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham, said: ‘I was going there with my pals to the cinema as it’s Orange Wednesdays, so you get two for one.

‘As we drove in the bloke on the gate said to use “not tonight guys, it’s couples and families only”. We thought he was just joking and went and parked up.

Read more here:

Dog owner to sue council because her spaniel slipped a disc in GRASS and she cannot afford to pay the £5,000 vet bill Daily Mail

A

 dog owner plans to sue a council for thousands of pounds after her pet slipped a disc in grass while chasing a cat.

Scooby, a three-year-old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, was injured after getting his leg caught in long grass on council-owned land in Brighton, East Sussex.

His disabled owner Rebecca Richardson, 48, claims that she now faces a £5,000 veterinary bill which she cannot afford to pay as she lives on benefits.

Campaigners criticised Mrs Richardson and her husband Steven, 49, for their claim and said it was yet another example of the ‘compensation culture gone mad’.

But Mrs Richardson said Brighton and Hove City Council, which owns her house and the land outside it, was negligent and ‘completely responsible’ for what happened to her pet. 

She claimed that she and other neighbours had been asking for the long grass outside their homes to be cut for a month before the accident. 

  Scooby the spaniel slipped a disc after getting his leg caught in long grass

  Disabled owner Rebecca Richardson, 48, says she now faces £5,000 vet bill

  Claims she cannot afford to pay it as she lives on benefits at Brighton home

  Believes city council is 'responsible' for fall because it failed to cut the grass

  But campaigners deem claim an example of 'compensation culture gone mad'

Please click here to read more:

Rebecca Richardson

Glee - Intense School Shooting Full Scene | Shooting Star (Subtitled) [HQ]

Home is where the Heart is

.

I in the last few weeks, I have found myself looking for a new job, last week I had my first interview in several weeks, I was hoping to hear earlier this week if I had this particular job and I’ve made several phone calls to the employment agency that got me the interview and kept being told that they were hoping to hear by last Friday, last Friday then become they were hoping to hear last Monday then when I rang on Monday,  there was still no news and was told to call on Wednesday, when I rang on Wednesday I was told no news and to call back today, Friday.  Last night I had a dream in this dream I was talking to one of my friends at church,  and was asked was I was still staying in Southport despite the disappointment of not getting this job,  my answer was of course yes. 

I have since been offered a new job last week,  I felt I needed to contact my ex-employer this was last Friday, over that weekend The Lord reminded me several times that I needed to contact them on Monday.

On Monday morning, I decided to do an online job search, during this job search,  I saw a job advertised for my ex – employer,  I decided to bite the bullet and call them,  I spoke to my contact there, who told that they had rang me the previous Friday to see if I was interested in working for them on a 6 Month Fixed Term Contract starting on the 1^st of October, I readily agreed to rejoin my ex-employer, I didn’t actually apply nor have an interview for my new job,  but because I had gained a great reputation when working for ex-employer previously they offered me this job.

Although I was secretly hoping that the interview I had the previous week would give me the job I applied for,  I had spoken to one of  my of many friends at Church last Sunday and told her that I was confident that the job I had the interview for. This week I decided that working for my ex-employer was plan b and the other job was plan a, I reviewed the evidence about both jobs,  plan a was £1,000 more a year than plan b,  and full time permanent and plan b was full time but a fixed 6 month contract, plan a was 5 days out of 7 days, and involved flexible start and finishes between 8am – 9pm, plan b is Monday to Friday 9am -5pm. I’m involved a great deal in my home church,  and I knew that if I took plan a  I wouldn’t be able to serve as much if I was working evenings and weekends.  I heard last Thursday that I wasn't offered plan a,  and once past my initial disappointment,  I thanked the Lord for providing me with his choice of job for me.

I was in my connect group (home group) last Wednesday, and previously Geoff Grice sent a Text asking us to bring a Bible Passage that has spoken to us recently,  I had prepared something from 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 however about an hour before leaving, the Lord bought my attention to this.

Habbukuk 3:17 -19 New American Standard Bible.

17 Though the fig tree should not blossom

And there be no fruit on the vines,

Though the yield of the olive should fail

And the fields produce no food,

Though the flock should be cut off from the fold

And there be no cattle in the stalls,

18 Yet I will exult in the Lord,

I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

19 The Lord God is my strength,

And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,

And makes me walk on my high places.

I now live in Southport, Merseyside having moved here just over 2 years ago from Neath, South Wales I’ve settled here and for the last two years Southport has been my home,  and I’ve committed myself to staying here until I die or until the Lord calls me to be with Him.   I have wandered previously and made a mess of thinks, but thanks be to God who has settled me here in Southport, my heart is here because this is now my home.

I remember visiting here just over 2 years ago,  and being in a mess and my good friend Dave Gregg (one of our Elders) was speaking on a Sunday morning at my church (now) The Community Church, Southport and he quoted at the end of his message he quoted

Numbers 10:29  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

29 Then Moses said to Hobab the son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses’ father-in-law, “We are setting out to the place of which the Lord said, ‘I will give it to you’; come with us and we will do you good, for the Lord has promised good concerning Israel.

When I returned back to Neath, while I was praying whether or not to stay there or move here, the Lord bought my attention to some scriptures and because I had moved from pillar to post and back again several times, I told the Lord I would either settle in Neath or move to and settle here in Southport, the Lord reminded me of the story of Isaac and the wells.

Genesis 26:17-25  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

17 And Isaac departed from there and camped in the valley of Gerar, and settled there.

Quarrel over the Wells

18 Then Isaac dug again the wells of water which had been dug in the days of his father Abraham, for the Philistines had stopped them up after the death of Abraham; and he gave them the same names which his father had given them. 19 But when Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and found there a well of flowing water, 20 the herdsmen of Gerar quarrelled with the herdsmen of Isaac, saying, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek, because they contended with him. 21 Then they dug another well, and they quarrelled over it too, so he named it Sitnah. 22 He moved away from there and dug another well, and they did not quarrel over it; so he named it Rehoboth, for he said, “At last the Lord has made room for us, and we will be fruitful in the land.”

23 Then he went up from there to Beersheba. 24 The Lord appeared to him the same night and said,

“I am the God of your father Abraham;

Do not fear, for I am with you.

I will bless you, and multiply your descendants,

For the sake of my servant Abraham.”

25 So he built an altar there and called upon the name of the Lord, and pitched his tent there; and there Isaac’s servants dug a well.

Deuteronomy 8 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

God’s Gracious Dealings

8 “All the commandments that I am commanding you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the Lord swore to give to your forefathers. 2 You shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord. 4 Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years.

 5 Thus you are to know in your heart that the Lord your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. 6 Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. 7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth in valleys and hills; 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; 9 a land where you will eat food without scarcity, in which you will not lack anything; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you.

When I moved here, the Lord made me several promises,  and give me the following scripture verses and I had some solid advice from an amazing friend in Swansea, Ralph Bettany who advised me to stay in Southport for at least 5 years and settle down rather than wandering around as I had done previously.

Ezekiel 40:4 New American Standard Bible

he man said to me, “(K)Son of man, (L)see with your eyes, hear with your ears, and give attention to all that I am going to show you; for you have been brought here in order to show it to you. (M)Declare to the house of Israel all that you see.”

Jeremiah 29:4-7 and verse 11 New Living Translation (NLT)

4 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem: 5 “Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. 6 Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away! 7 And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.” 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

I would like to say a heart full thank you to my church family,  The Community Church,  Southport and my many dear friends there, thank you for welcoming me and making part of your church family, I love you all, and I wouldn’t be who I’m today without you, I would like to thank especially Geoff and Pam Grice, Dave and Su Gregg, Steve and Miriam Smith,  David and Gwen Raynor and John and Julia Sutton-Smith for your love, friendship, sound advice and your prayers.

                                     

People are Strange, the Doors

I was watching an episode of the American Crime Drama, “ Cold Case” earlier today and at the end of the programme, they played this song and for no particular reason,  I’ve decided to post it to my blog

Abba - Chiquitita

What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?

JAN 12, 2006 |SCOTT CROFT

Courtship and dating — is one more biblical than the other? Learn more about the motive, mind-set and methods of each. 

Given this biblical theology of sex and marriage [presented in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ], what does a healthy, biblical dating or courting relationship look like in practice?

The attempt to answer that question has brought about a literary flood over the last several years, with different works bearing different levels of usefulness. A few examples include Boundaries in Dating; Boy Meets Girl; I Kissed Dating Goodbye; I Hugged Dating Hello; I Gave Dating a Chance; Her Hand in Marriage; The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mar. Right; and Wandering Toward the Altar.

These columns can be divided into two groups. One group generally supports the method of "dating" and attempts to instruct readers to date in a "Christian" way. The other group rejects the current dating method altogether as biblically flawed. It advocates an alternative system, which most describe as "courtship." In my reading, the book on this topic that seems the most sound theologically and practically is called Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris (he is also the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye).

What is the difference between courtship and dating, and is one more biblical than the other? I will provide a working definition of each, describe how the two methods are broadly different, and then recommend why one method is fundamentally more biblical than the other.

Defining Courtship and Dating

Let's begin by defining courtship. Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.

What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal.

The Differences between Courtship and Dating

 What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad differences between what has been called biblical courtship and modern dating.

1. The Difference in Motive

The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-35).

Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. I am not advocating arranged marriages; rather, I am pointing toward the biblical purpose for why young men and women associate with one another. These passages do not argue that marriage should be the direct goal of such relationships so much as they assume it.

Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by "trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none. How many examples of "recreational dating" do we see among God's people in the Bible? Zero. The category of premarital intimacy does not exist, other than in the context of grievous sexual sin.

The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date.

2. The Difference in Mind-set

The second major difference between biblical courtship and modern dating is the mind-set couples have when interacting with one another. What do I mean by that? Modern dating is essentially a selfish endeavour. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending to that question? "For me." Will this person make me happy? Will this relationship meet my needs? How does she look? What is the chemistry like? Have I done as well as I can do?

I cannot tell you how many men I have counselled who are terrified to commit, worrying that as soon as they do, "something better will come walking around the corner."

Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV). It also recognizes the specific call that Ephesians 5:25 gives men in marriage, where our main role is sacrificial service. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her. That means loving sacrificially every day. Biblical courtship means that a man does not look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise his fantasy woman so that his every desire can be fulfilled, but he looks for a godly woman as Scripture defines her — a woman he can love and, yes, be attracted to, but a woman whom he can serve and love as a godly husband.

In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" while biblical courtship asks, "How can I be the one for her?"

3. The Difference in Methods

Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods. And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.

According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably physical divorce.

Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people before one finally marries. In the self-centred world of secular dating, we want as much information as possible to ensure that the right decision is being made. And if we can enjoy a little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.

Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of 1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud our sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and hers, whether they marry each other or not.

In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.

He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage, and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy.

Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be married, and whether they can service and honour God better together than apart. The man should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her.

In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done well, Christian women will be honoured, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be honoured. And God will be glorified.

From Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, John Piper and Justin Taylor editors, copyright 2005, pages 145-149. Used by permission of Crossway Books, a ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois 60187, www.crossway.com. 

How to Win a Woman's Heart

MAR 25, 2013 |JOSHUA ROGERS

There was a time during my unmarried years when I was trying so hard to get dating right that I just ended up getting it weird.

There was a time during my unmarried years when I griped that the only women who were drawn to me were "old ladies, female relatives and little girls." I wondered what was wrong with all the eligible bachelorettes who were overlooking me. I should have asked myself what was wrong with me. I might have realized that I was trying so hard to get dating right that I just ended up getting it weird.

I think back to the many first dates where I discussed my thoughts on marriage before we had even finished our meals – weird. Then there was the excessive verbal processing of every little step in the relationship – so weird. And there were the countless dates that I managed to ruin by rambling on like I was talking to my therapist. It was embarrassingly weird, and it was all done to create an artificial sense of closeness and thereby force the outcome of marriage. It did not work.

On the other hand, some of the guys I knew had the opposite problem. Where I was trying to get engaged by the end of the third date, they could never seem to make it to the first one. Either they were apathetic to engaging with women one-on-one, or they actually believed that ambiguous social interactions were enough to keep things moving – well, it kept them moving alright: toward frustration and resentment on the part of the women who couldn't figure out where they stood with these guys.

In retrospect, I think we all could've used a good verbal shin-kicking to yank us out of our alternate realities. There's no guarantee it would have actually worked (heaven knows some people certainly tried), but if I could go back in time and be the one to make the speech, here's what I would have said.

Deal With Yourself

Before you're ever going to win a woman's heart, you've got to deal with your own. I'm not saying that you've got to be fully mature to pursue a woman, or no man would ever get married. What I'm saying is, if you've got a drinking problem, major credit card debt, serious daddy/mommy issues, a porn addiction – if you've dropped out of college multiple times and you can't keep a job, please don't invite a woman into that mess.

Get yourself into counselling, and while you're at it, do whatever it takes to be friends with an older, stable, married guy. Be completely transparent with these mentors and with God, and ask for help in moving toward stability. Why? Because part of what makes you so weird with women is the fact that you've got baggage that you're always subconsciously trying to hide. They sense it – even if they can't put their finger on it – and it leaves them feeling slightly uneasy.

Talking and praying through your issues with these mentors will help you change and be more confident as you introduce the real you to women. A healthy woman will pick up on the fact that you feel comfortable with yourself, and it will go a long way toward helping her feel the same way. But once you've done the work of making yourself more emotionally attractive, don't start aimlessly pursing women just because they'll say "yes" when you ask them out.

Decide Whether You're Interested

Every woman likes a man who is interesting, but a healthy woman will only be drawn to a man who is also interested. If you're just showing up in a woman's life to take her for a friendly test drive, she will sense it, and she won't feel completely safe. So figure out if you're drawn to her before you start pursuing. It will go a long way toward helping her trust you.

I'm not saying you can't make a move until you've figured out you want to marry her. I'm just saying you need to evaluate what you know about her and decide whether there's something about her that intrigues you. If there isn't, no need to waste her time. But if there is, don't just sit on your hands and hope she figures it out.

Let Her Know You're Interested

A few weeks into dating my wife, we were talking on the phone when she mentioned that she had enjoyed "hanging out" with me. I wasn't sure what she meant by that, but I was afraid that she might have misunderstood my intentions – I mean, when I'm "hanging out" with friends, I don't pay for their meal, wear my Friday night best, or gently touch their back while crossing the street.

So I said, "If you don't mind me asking, what do you think this relationship is?"

"I guess I would call it a really special friendship," she said.

"Whoa," I replied. "Then I need to clear things up. I'm not sure where this relationship is ultimately going, but when I meet a woman who is as beautiful, intelligent and spiritually mature as you, I don't spend time with her so that I can make a new 'friend.' I've got plenty of those. I'm spending time with you because I'm attracted to you. I just want to make sure you understand that."

"Oh," she said, seeming taken aback by my forwardness.

I knew it wasn't a perfect execution, but it was a vast improvement from the days when I would have freaked her out with some over-the-top, premature diatribe about pursuing marriage. And my approach was a lot better than some of my friends, who were spending all kinds of time with women without ever making their intentions clear.

As it turns out, even though my wife was, in fact, taken aback by my bluntness, she also liked it very much. She says it brought clarity, made her feel honoured, and quieted some of her nagging insecurities about whether I was actually into her.

So what I'm saying is, if you're attracted to a woman and that's the reason you're spending time with her, don't assume that's obvious to her. Say something – anything to let her know you're not just looking for another friendship (and not over text, email or Facebook – do I really have to say that?). And when the two of you start spending more time together, and she makes it clear the feeling is mutual, don't stop there.

Keep Reassuring Her

It's going to take some work to win a woman over – huge investments of time, money and humility. And as you make these investments in the relationship, they will provide little sources of momentum in your pursuit of the title "boyfriend." The problem comes when you assume that winning that title means you've won her heart. It does not.

No matter how confident and emotionally stable a woman may be, she will always need to be reassured of your love – not just while you're dating, but throughout engagement and all the different phases of marriage. That's right. Putting a ring on her finger – even a wedding band – won't totally resolve her lingering insecurities about whether your love can be trusted. In fact, you'll just be getting started.

The thing is, after you get married, what you do will mean so much more than what you say in your pursuit of her heart. Your words will still matter very much, but to breathe new life into phrases like “I love you” and “You’re beautiful,” you’ll have to practice the art of thankless chores, unconditional forgiveness, unconditional apologies, random acts of sweetness, and spiritual leadership, to name a few.

If all that hard work sounds overwhelming, don't give up.

There's a Way Forward

Maybe you're thinking that winning a woman's heart will require you to act like someone you're not. Well, you're right; it will. And here's why: She's not a man – she's not you, so meeting her unique needs won't come naturally. That's why you'll need some objective, outside help from the aforementioned stable married guy, a counsellor, or better yet, from a few women who care about you enough to tell you the truth.

Applying their advice will often be counterintuitive and involve making rookie mistakes as you learn the dying art of romancing a woman. But if you humbly approach the process like a student, you'll change in ways that make you more attractive to women, and eventually you'll develop an instinct for helping a woman feel secure in your love. Essentially, you'll learn how to care about her needs as much as you care about your own (Ephesians 5:28-29). And even if that doesn't instantly result in your meeting the woman of your dreams, at least when she shows up, you'll be better equipped to be the man of hers.

Copyright 2013 Joshua Rogers. All rights reserved.

How Do You Know Someone Is "The One"? || Jefferson Bethke

Are we there yet? Looking at our Journey of Faith and Adventure. Part 3, Dealing with Distractions, Disappointments and Delays in reaching our Destiny or Destination.

Are we there yet? Looking at our Journey of Faith and Adventure.

Part 3, Dealing with Distractions, Disappointments and Delays in reaching our Destiny or Destination.

I mentioned in a previous post, that I’m Welsh and part of being Welsh is the love of singing or in my case attempting to sing !,  My dad is a member of a Male Voice Choir called Swansea Gospel Male Voice Choir, and especially in the Welsh Valleys there is a History of Choral Singing, (Choir Singing).

One of the most well recognised and most famous Welsh Hymns is Guide me, O thou Great Jehovah (or Redeemer) which was written by one of the most famous Welsh Hymn Writers, William Williams (Pantycelyn) although originally written in the Welsh Language as Arglwydd, arwain trwy'r anialwch, It’s known throughout the World as Guide me, O thou Great Jehovah it’s also known as The Welsh Rugby Hymn or Bread of Heaven, where it’s sung with equal gusto when Wales play Rugby to when it’s sung in the Chapels and Churches.

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,

Pilgrim through this barren land;

I am weak, but thou art mighty;

Hold me with thy powerful hand:

Bread of heaven, bread of heaven

Feed me till I want no more.

Feed me till I want no more.

Open thou the crystal fountain

Whence the healing stream shall flow;

Let the fiery, cloudy pillar

Lead me all my journey through:

Strong deliverer, strong deliverer

Be thou still my strength and shield.

Be thou still my strength and shield.

When I tread the verge of Jordan,

Bid my anxious fears subside;

Death of death, and hell's destruction,

Land me safe on Canaan's side:

Songs of praises, songs of praises

I will ever give to thee.

I will ever give to thee.

Several weeks ago. I had the privilege to spend some time with one of my closest friends here in Southport, He and his wife are great friends to myself and others and are an inspirational couple, he’s also likes Organs especially Hammond Organs, a few weeks ago he had to go to South Wales to collect an Organ, so I went with him to help him collect it.   On the return journey we stopped at a Tesco Express Convenience Store to pick up refreshments and I had an urge for Welsh Cakes, so I picked up a pack of Brace’s Welsh Cakes and bought them home with me,  a few days later I was shopping at my local Asda and has I walked around the aisle’s I noticed tucked away in the Bakery Aisle, Brace’s Welsh Cakes, the Lord spoke to me through this, that he not would only provide me with the essentials here but would provide me with blessings here, because I’ve been obedient to Him.

After our successful trip to Wales, my friend asked me would I be interested in travelling to the north of Scotland with him to collect an Organ, I of course agreed because I believe part of being friends is helping each other, On our Journey we used two forms of navigation a Sat-Nav and a Road Atlas, on this journey we had to stop for fuel and food and we stopped at Carlisle, there were other people travelling that day, and although my friend and I were travelling to Scotland not everyone had the same destination as ourselves, as people either left the motorway because they were getting to their destination or they were joining the motorway to go to their destination,  I wondered to myself, firstly how long it would take to get to our destination and what would we find when we got there and what would it be like, on our journey we passed various road signs giving names of various locations like Glasgow, Stirling, Perth and Dundee and as some people kept leaving the road we were on and other people kept joining I wondered to myself how many people travelling had the same destination as we had. 

We shared the road with other travellers, and for part of the journey we travelled alongside each other, then they left us and in some ways we left others because our destination was different from them, on our journey we passed several places of interest such as The Falkirk Wheel and Stirling Castle, but even if those places are interesting,  they could have been a distraction to us, It would have quiet easy because of the distance we had to travel to  change our destination and go with the flow and go somewhere like Glasgow or Perth, but they weren’t our destination.

 We kept travelling and the further north we went we saw less and less traffic, we passed through several sets of traffic lights when we went through on the Green Light, it would have quiet easy in our eagerness to get to our destination gone through on Red or Amber Lights because we didn’t want to be delayed, eventually we arrived in the beautiful seaside town of Gardenstown in Aberdeenshire, none of the travellers we had seen on our journey had also arrived in Gardenstown and for part of our journey we had travelled alongside others, either for a small part or longer part of our journey.

In the Christian Life and Walk, we have two forms of Navigation, the Holy Spirit’s guidance in our life and the written word of God, The Bible,  I notice in our lives journey we use both forms of navigation and both lead us to the correct destination, there are/were other people travelling when we travelled and for part of our journey we travelled alongside each other but because our destination was different we've  parted  or part company at various junctions, we had to also stop for fuel and food,  so in our Christian Life and Walk we need to stop to be refreshed and recharged,  because our destination was further along that others destinations it would be easier and more convenient to change our destination but it wouldn’t have been our true destination or our goal, It would be easy to be distracted and because we had seen something that attracted us and it looks more achievable that our goal we settle in places that aren’t the correct location or best place for us, because of various things we can be delayed on our journey but we still arrive at our destination. But lets us keep going until we reach were God wants us to be.

I live in Southport, and our local train station is served by two train companies, Northern Rail who provide services to and from Manchester and Merseyrail who provide services to Liverpool, The Wirral and Chester, can you imagine if I decided to spend the day by visiting Chester but decided to travel to Manchester instead both have similar names but are two different places, Manchester is a great place but it wouldn’t have been my destination, when travelling to Chester you have to change trains at either Moorfields or Liverpool Central Stations , I could say to myself it has taken me 45 minutes to get to Liverpool, and it will  take another 50 minutes to get to Chester. I know I will stay here for a bit then move on to Chester but you end up in Liverpool which is a great place to visit but again not my destination, because Merseyrail is a local commuter line it stops at every train station between Southport and Liverpool one of these stations is Formby and in Formby there is a National Trust site that has a colony of Red Squirrels,  I could be distracted and decide to see these Red Squirrels, but again it’s not my destination!

Why I’m saying these things?  You may ask, I’m using this has an illustration, some of us have decided to go to places that aren’t our destination/destiny but have made it our destination or destiny because it’s similar to our destination or destiny and others have places where we need to change but we stay in a place that we needed to just to change at to get to our destination or destiny and then others have been distracted by things we’ve seen or have been told and yes we all say we’re happy and fulfilled where we are and God is blessing us,  yes this things may be true up to point but to reach the full potential of our destiny we need to be where God has called us to be in the first place, yes it will mean change and/or upset but we need to be where God wants us to be!

It says in Habakkuk 2:3 For still the vision awaits its appointed time it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it;    it will surely come; it will not delay.

It says in Ephesians 3:20 – 21. 20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.

Yours because of His Grace and Mercy

Blair Humphreys