Views, Visions and Values.

Sunday, 1 September 2013

You're Beautiful

We sang this at Church, this Morning

To pursue or not to pursue…that is the question! Written by Sam Hailes, from Christian Connection.

‘TAKE wives!” the preacher shouted. “The word is TAKE”!” The congregation laughed as the T word – pulled from an Old Testament scripture – was emphasized over and over again. The message was crystal clear: Men should pursue their girl to the very end. What end? Marriage, of course.

I’m 5 years on from hearing that sermon preached and one month into marriage. Yet I still find myself asking the question: Do women like to be taken/chased/pursued? Or are the thousands of Christian men who hear (biblical?) teaching on ‘pursuing’ their ladies, actually being led astray?

This is not a hypothetical question. I know more than one man who has got this area of relationships and dating seriously wrong. It’s hardly a problem confined to Christian circles either. We all know of ‘that guy’ who just won’t take the hint, despite said hint being dropped so many times, it’s making a dent in the ground. For some guys, ‘pursuing’ the girl’ tips into ‘stalking the girl’. And no one wants that.

Yet there does seem to be some truth in the idea that girls want to be chased. What about all those romantic comedies? He likes her. She doesn’t like him. The guy perseveres and 100 minutes later the girl finally gives way to the Italian Stallion. Happily ever after, right?

On the other hand, taking relationship advice from Hollywood is a bit like asking a lost person for directions.

So the conundrum remains. When the girl says ‘no’ do you pursue, or let her go?

Even a quick Google search on ‘does a woman like to be pursued?’ fails to shed any light on this tricky topic (and I thought Google had the answer to everything!)

The following truth may be simple but its difficult for many guys to swallow: All women are different.

And that brings me onto the reason why so much relationship advice is fundamentally flawed: People are people.

The human race is full of diverse people from different backgrounds. Saying anything concrete about relationships and dating is incredibly difficult.

But we can (for I have it on very good authority from a number of sources) say that some girls want to be pursued and are they’re fed up with lazy guys who give up the chase too easily (ouch!).

I think the reason so many of us guys worry and ask questions like “am I being too ‘forward’?”, “Does she want me to chase her?”, is not because we’re worried about being mistaken for a stalker. The reason is a little closer to home than that.

We’re afraid of rejection. And not just afraid. Perhaps even scared.

A verbal (or physical) kick up the bum from a friend or worse, pastor telling us to “MAN UP” probably isn’t going to help much.

There are many reasons for a fear of rejection, and I’m going to explore some of them in my next post. But for now I’ll leave you with one thought. But hold on to your hat because you may not like it.

There’s a little something that can be found in every man without exception. It’s Adam’s fault its there and it’s called man-pride.

One of the most common reasons a fear of rejection exists in us is that we’re too worried about what other people think of us. ‘What if I get turned down again? People will think less of me.’ And we don’t want people to think less of us. We want people to think we’re successful (even if we don’t think we are!)

We care far too much about other people’s opinion. It may sound cheesy but its true that God’s opinion should be the opinion we care about most. And the good news is He will never reject us (Deut 31:6, Matt 28:20).

Do you believe that God’s opinion is the most important? Does reflecting on God’s promise to never reject you give you fresh confidence?

Read more articles on: Dating & Relationships

About Sam Hailes

Sam Hailes is a freelance journalist, blogger and speaker with interests that range from popular music to Middle East politics. He blogs at SamHailes.com and tweets @samhailes

WATCH: Brand new BBC trailer for Sherlock and more

Some thoughts for Today, Sunday 1st September 2013

Romans 12

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Dedicated Service

12 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Reformation Study Bible

12:1 The doxology at the end of ch. 11 and the nature of the opening verses of ch. 12 signal a new stage in Paul’s exposition. From now until the conclusion of the letter he is concerned to apply his teaching.

mercies of God. Love for the poor and needy, and support for those who cannot support themselves in a sinful world (cf. Luke 10:36, 37). The doctrine of grace in chs. 3–11 leads to a life motivated by gratitude.

present your bodies as a living sacrifice. Jew and Gentile now belong together as the people of God for whom the final blood sacrifice has been made (3:25). The sacrifice that remains is that of thankful response (cf. 6:17). “Bodies” means whole persons as embodied individuals (6:12, 13, 19; 8:13) spiritual worship. The worship that is appropriate for redeemed creatures to offer (see text note).

12:2 Do not be conformed . . . be transformed by the renewal of your mind. The Christian’s mind-set is to be determined and reshaped by knowledge of the gospel, by the power of the Spirit, and by the concerns of the age to come (8:5–9; 13:11–14), rather than by the passing fashion of this age (2 Cor. 4:18; 1 John 2:17). Only by such sanctifying renewal is the Christian made sufficiently sensitive to “discern” the behavior that is God’s will in each situation.

Generously provided by Ligonier Ministries

3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. 4 For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, 5 so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; 7 if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; 8 or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

Reformation Bible Study

12:4–8 As in 1 Cor. 12, Paul makes use of the analogy of the body and its various parts to illustrate the nature of the church. He stresses its unity (v. 5), its diversity (v. 6), and the need to recognize one’s gift and to use it appropriately (vv. 6–8).

Generously provided by Ligonier Ministries

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; 11 not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, 13 contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

The Bible Panorama

Romans 12

V 1–2: LIVING SACRIFICES Because of all God’s mercies, Paul pleads with the Gentile believers in Rome to respond to God’s gracious salvation by presenting their bodies as ‘a living sacrifice’. This alone is holy, acceptable and reasonable. It will mean that instead of following the world, they will prove experimentally God’s good, acceptable and perfect will through a consecrated body and through a renewed mind which He will give them.

V 3–8: LOOK SPIRITUALLY The grace that brings salvation, and enables personal sacrifice in following Christ, also produces a humble and spiritual mindset. This enables the Christian to consider things from a spiritual point of view. Thus self should not be exalted, and one should recognize that whatever God has given is a gift from Him and not a matter for personal pride. Those gifts, given liberally, should be exercised graciously and faithfully within the body of Christ. The gifts mentioned are to glorify God and help other Christians.

V 9–21: LOVE SINCERELY Sincere love abhors hypocrisy and extols and exemplifies all the spiritual characteristics in dealings between Christians. The following things result from a spiritual love for Christ: kindly affection, preferring others, diligence, fervent service, rejoicing, hope, patience, continuing prayer, generosity towards the needs of others, rejoicing under persecution, sympathy, single-mindedness, humility, refusal to fight back, peace, compassion, seeking good, and overcoming evil with good. This love will be displayed both to Christian brethren and to the world at large. This can only be done by God’s gracious enabling through bodies presented as living sacrifices and through minds renewed by God’s grace and Spirit.