The Story of Ian and Larissa

Marriage Isn’t For You Seth Adam Smith / November 2, 2013

Kim and I

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raisethem? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

The Church, God's Agent of Change and Transformation

We, the Church are the visible representation of God’s Kingdom Rule and Reign here on Earth, we are his messengers of hope, love and compassion, salvation & restoration, the people we see every day are the people for whom Jesus died on the Cross for, we are the ones who are to bring hope and healing to our communities.

Acts 2:42-47

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

42 They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

43 Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. 44 And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; 45 and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. 46 Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, 47 praising God and having favour with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Four Commitments (2:42)

The outpouring of the Spirit produced not just momentary enthusiasm but four continuing commitments: to learn, to care, to fellowship and to worship. The apostles' teaching probably included an account of Jesus' life and ministry, his ethical and practical teachings, warnings about persecution and false teaching, and the christocentric Old Testament hermeneutic.

But at its center was the gospel message. And so today, to devote oneself to the apostles' teaching means evangelism as well as edification (4:2; 5:42; 15:35).

The apostles' fellowship and breaking of bread was a sharing of possessions to meet needs and of lives in common meals (2:44-46). What an inviting way of life for our day, when "loneliness drives people into one place, but that does not mean that they are together, really" (Ogilvie 1983:74).

Finally, Luke portrays prayer as integral to the church's life (compare 4:24; 6:4; 12:5; 13:3; 20:36). It is the essential link between Jesus and his people as they carry out his kingdom work under his guidance and by his strength (4:29-30; 6:6; 8:15; 14:23; 28:8). The reputation of the vital, growing Korean church as a praying church shows that the maxim is indeed true: "the vitality of the church was a measure of the reality of their prayers" (Williams 1985:39).

A Caring, Joyful, Transparent Fellowship (2:44-47)

In expression of their Spirit-inspired togetherness, the believers pooled their resources. Individuals voluntarily sold property and goods, contributed the proceeds to a fund from which any Christian (and possibly non-Christians as well) could receive help, as he or she might have need. What a standard for today's church! Indeed, "what we do or do not do with our material possessions is an indicator of the Spirit's presence or absence" (Krodel 1986:95).

The community lived out its commitment to the apostles' teaching by gathering each day in the temple courts to hear instruction. They probably met in Solomon's colonnade, at the eastern end of the court of the Gentiles (5:12; compare 5:20-21, 42, and Jesus' practice—Lk 20:1; 21:37). In the temple they also fulfilled their commitment to prayer as they engaged in corporate worship.

Daily the community broke bread together in homes—sharing a meal, beginning it with the bread and ending it with the cup of the Lord's Supper (Lk 22:19-20; 24:35; Acts 20:7, 11).

With constant intimacy, exultant joy and transparency of relationship they enjoyed the graces of Messiah's salvation in a true anticipation of his banquet in the kingdom (Lk 22:30; compare Acts 16:34). It was a gracious witness to the people (laos), "Israel as the elect nation to whom the message of salvation is initially directed" (Longenecker 1981:291).

Today growing churches manifest the same "metachurch" pattern: celebration, joining in large gatherings for worship and instruction, and cell group, meeting in home groups for fellowship and nurture.

Impact: Church Growth (2:47)

Every day the Lord Jesus by his Spirit saved some, incorporating them into their number. God's plan is for churches to grow. The challenge for us is, "Will we meet the Scriptural conditions for growth: a dedication to be a learning, caring, fellowshipping, worshipping church?" Will we meet the one essential condition? "As empowering follows petition, so evangelism and Christian unity or community follow Pentecost. The empowering, moreover, is repeatable. So pray!" (Talbert 1984:17).

IVP New Testament Commentaries are made available by the generosity of InterVarsity Press.

Reformation Study Bible

2:42 the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. This is a summary of the essential elements needed in Christian discipleship. They are elements the apostles had learned from their experience with Jesus: His teaching about His person and work (Matt. 16:18, 19; Luke 24:46) and their Christian responsibility as His followers (Matt. 5–7), the fellowship of Christ with His disciples (John 13), the Lord’s Supper—the breaking of bread (Matt. 26:17–30), and His prayer life for and with the disciples (Matt. 6:5–13; Luke 11:1–13; John 17).

Matthew 16:17-19

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

17 And Jesus said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon [a]Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. 18 I also say to you that you are [b]Peter, and upon this [c]rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth [d]shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth [e]shall have been loosed in heaven.”

Dictionary of Bible Themes

7027 church, purpose and mission of

The church is called to praise and glorify God, to establish Jesus Christ’s kingdom, and to proclaim the gospel throughout the world.

God’s purposes for the church

To praise God 1Pe 2:9 See also Eph 1:5-6,11-12,14; Heb 13:15; 1Pe 2:5

To share God’s glory Ro 8:29-30 See also Mt 13:43; Jn 17:24; Ro 9:23; 1Co 2:7; Php 3:21; Col 3:4; 2Th 2:14; Rev 2:26-27; Rev 3:4-5,21

God will build his church Mt 16:18-19 See also Mt 27:40 pp Mk 15:29; Jn 2:19-22; 1Co 3:9; Eph 2:21-22; Eph 4:11-13; Heb 3:3-6; 1Pe 2:5

To challenge Satan’s dominion Eph 3:10-11 “rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms” refers to the powers of evil. See also Mt 16:18; Eph 6:12; 1Jn 2:14

To go into the world in mission 2Co 5:18 See also Mt 5:13-16; Mt 28:19-20; Mk 16:15; Lk 24:48; Jn 20:21; Ac 1:8; Php 2:15-16; Col 1:27

The church’s mission

To preach the gospel to the world Mk 13:10 pp Mt 24:14 See also Mt 28:19; Lk 24:47; Jn 10:16; Ac 13:47

To do good to all Gal 6:10 See also Mt 25:37-40; Lk 6:35; Ac 9:36; Eph 2:10; 1Ti 6:18; Jas 1:27; 1Pe 2:12

Images of the church’s mission Mt 5:13-16; Jn 15:5-8 A fruitful plant in a fruitless world: Mt 7:18-19; Ro 7:4; Eph 5:9-10; Php 1:11; Col 1:6,10; Jas 3:17 Salt in an insipid world: Mk 9:50; Lk 14:34-35 Light in a dark world: Ro 13:12-14; Eph 5:8; Php 2:15; 1Th 5:5-6

The growth of the church

Numerical growth among the first Christians Ac 11:21 See also Ac 2:41,47; Ac 4:4; Ac 5:14; Ac 6:1,7; Ac 9:31,42; Ac 11:24; Ac 12:24; Ac 13:49; Ac 16:5; Ac 17:4; Ac 18:8; Ac 19:20

The church is to grow to maturity Eph 4:12-13 See also Php 1:6; Php 3:13-15; 2Th 1:3

Aspects of growth Growth in character: 2Co 9:10; 1Th 3:12 Growth into Christ: Eph 4:15; Col 1:10; 2Pe 3:18

Heb 6:1 growth in understanding

Prayers for the growth of the church Eph 3:14-19 See also Eph 1:17-19; Php 1:9-11; Col 1:9-12; 1Th 3:11-13; 2Th 1:11-12

Visions of the church’s final destiny

Rev 7:9-10 John’s vision of the church in glory. See also Mt 24:31; Jn 10:16; Eph 1:10; 1Th 4:16-17; Heb 12:22-23; Rev 21:2

Ephesians 3:9-11

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

9 and to [a]bring to light what is the administration of the mystery which for ages has been hidden in God who created all things; 10 so that the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known through the church to the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places. 11 This was in accordance with the [b]eternal purpose which He [c]carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord,

Matthew Henry’s Commentary

, Eph. 3:10. This was one things, among others, which God had in his eye in revealing this mystery, that the good angels, who have a pre-eminence in governing the kingdoms and principalities of the world, and who are endued with great power to execute the will of God on this earth (though their ordinary residence is in heaven) may be informed, from what passes in the church and is done in and by it, of the manifold wisdom of God; that is, of the great variety with which God wisely dispenses things, or of his wisdom manifested in the many ways and methods he takes in ordering his church in the several ages of it, and especially in receiving the Gentiles into it. The holy angels, who look into the mystery of our redemption by Christ, could not but take notice of this branch of that mystery, that among the Gentiles is preached the unsearchable riches of Christ. And this is according to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord,Eph. 3:11. Some translate the words kata prothesin ton aionon thus According to the fore-disposing of the ages which he made, etc. So Dr. Whitby, etc. “In the first of the ages,” says this author, “his wisdom seeing fit to give the promise of a Saviour to a fallen Adam: in the second age to typify and represent him to the Jews in sacred persons, rites, and sacrifices: and in the age of the Messiah, or the last age, to reveal him to the Jews, and preach him to the Gentiles.” Others understand it, according to our translation, of the eternal purpose which God purposed to execute in and through Jesus Christ, the whole of what he has done in the great affair of man’s redemption being in pursuance of his eternal decree about that matter. The apostle, having mentioned our Lord Jesus Christ, subjoins concerning him, In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him (Eph. 3:12); that is, “By (or through) whom we have liberty to open our minds freely to God, as to a Father, and a well-grounded persuasion of audience and of acceptance with him; and this by means of the faith we have in him, as our great Mediator and Advocate.” We may come with humble boldness to hear from God, knowing that the terror of the curse is done away; and we may expect to hear from him good words and comfortable. We may have access with confidence to speak to God, knowing that we have such a Mediator between God and us, and such an Advocate with the Father.

Authority in the Church. Our Position of Authority as Believers by Kenneth Copeland

Authority in the Church.

Our Position of Authority as Believers

by Kenneth Copeland

When you made Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, Colossians 1:13 says you were delivered from the power of darkness. The word power is literally translated “authority.” You have been delivered from the power, or authority, of darkness and placed into God’s kingdom. Jesus said, “All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore...” (Matthew 28:18-19). That power was given to you as part of your inheritance in Christ Jesus. You have entered into this position of authority because you are in Him.

The Word says that righteousness has come upon all men (Romans 5:18). You may ask, “Then why don’t all become righteous?” Because in order to receive it, you have to act on righteousness from the point of authority.

          

Nov. 2, 1962, I used my authority as a human being and made a choice. I made the decision to receive Jesus as Lord of my life. At that moment, the righteousness that had been upon me came inside me. I was made the righteousness of God in Christ. II Corinthians 5:21 says, “He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.”

Jesus Secured Our Power and Authority

          

Jesus succeeded in securing all power by going to the cross, dying a horrible death, suffering the penalty for sin and defeating Satan in the pit of hell. He came to earth as a man for one reason: to recapture the authority Satan had stolen through Adam’s disobedience in the Garden. Jesus was called the last Adam (I Corinthians 15:45). After securing that power and authority, He freely gave it over into the hands of those who would believe on Him—you and me.

          

It is not enough for us to simply accept Jesus’ work at Calvary. We are held responsible for much more. Jesus’ words in Mark 16 were not intended for the early Church alone. His words are just as vital and real today as when they were first spoken.

          

Jesus appeared to His disciples after His resurrection from the dead. His words to them form the basic foundation for the work of the New Testament Church. It was at that time He delegated the authority to carry out that work. Beginning in verse 15, Jesus said: “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover” (Mark 16:15-18).

We Have Authority to Preach the Gospel

          

“Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” Every born-again believer has the authority and responsibility to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ in this earth. If you can’t go, you can send someone in your place.

          

“And these signs shall follow them that believe....” Notice who is to do all these things: them that believe. The signs will follow the believers who act in faith and boldly speak in Jesus’ Name. They shall cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall lay hands on the sick. Believers are the ones with the power and authority to do these things.

          

Verse 20 says, “They went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following.” God will confirm His Word, but first it has to be spoken forth. That is where you and I come in. God does not preach; He has given us the authority to do the preaching. God will not lay hands on the sick. He will bring the healing, but you and I as believers must lay hands on the sick by faith, believing God will perform His Word.

We Have Authority to Stand Against Satan

          

One of the most vital areas of the believer’s authority is his power to successfully stand against Satan. Ephesians 4:27 says, “Neither give place to the devil.” In Ephesians 6, the Apostle Paul describes the armor that we as believers are to wear in combat against Satan. He explains each piece of that armor. It is the armor of God. But not once does he say that God will put the armor on you or that God will fight the devil for you. You is the understood subject of these verses. He says, “[You] be strong in the Lord…. [You] put on the whole armour of God, that [you] may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. [You] take the whole armour of God, that [you] may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, [you] stand.” God has given you the power and the authority to stand against Satan and his destructive works. He has provided the armor, but it is your responsibility as a believer to put on that armor and stand against the devil. James 4:7 says, “[You] resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” The armor and the weapons are at your disposal. God is there with you to back His Word; but all that is worthless unless you take your position of authority and assume the responsibility to use what He has provided. You have the power and the authority to take the Word of God, the Name of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit and run Satan out of your affairs. Don’t pray and ask God to fight Satan for you. You are the one in authority. Take your responsibility and speak directly to Satan yourself and stand your ground firmly. He will flee!

We Are Seated With Him in High Authority

          

In Ephesians 1, Paul prayed a prayer for the body of believers in Ephesus. One part of that prayer was that they know “the exceeding greatness of his power to [those] who believe” (Ephesians 1:19). That exceeding great power is the same power that God used to raise Jesus from the dead and set Him at His own right hand in the heavenlies. Ephesians 1:21 tells us that Jesus is seated “far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named.”

          

The work God did in Jesus was supreme. He raised Jesus from the dead and set Him far above all other authority—not only in this world, but also in the heavenly world. Then verses 22-23 say that God has put all things under His feet and made Him head over the Church which is His body. Where are the feet? They are in the body. As believers, we are part of His body and we are seated with Him in that highly exalted place of authority. Praise God! Look at Ephesians 2: “And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins. Even when we were dead in sins, [God] hath quickened us together with Christ, and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (verses 1, 5-6).

          

We are seated together with Him. Where? Far above all principality and power and might and dominion. As a believer, you have accepted the substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus at Calvary. Therefore, you are part of His body and are seated with Him in that heavenly place, equipped with the same power, the same authority that He has.

          

The great power that God worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead is the same creative power of God that worked in you to make you alive when you were dead in your trespasses and sins. The moment you made Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, that same power was exercised on your dead, unregenerate spirit, causing it to be reborn in the likeness of God Himself. Any man who is in Christ Jesus is a new creation: old things have passed away, all things are new, and all things are of God (II Corinthians 5:17-18).

We Have the Power of God’s Word to Exercise Our Authority

And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side. And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships. And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? (Mark 4:35-40).

Jesus spoke the words, “Let us pass over unto the other side,” and there was enough power and authority in those words to accomplish the job. One thing I want you to notice is that Jesus did not take command of the ship to see that His words were carried out. He walked to the back of the boat and went to sleep. Jesus delegated the authority to His disciples and they accepted it. But when the storm came, they were filled with fear that the boat would sink. Jesus had to carry out the responsibility of authority, which He had delegated to them, by rebuking the wind and the sea.

          

Do you see the parallel here? You are the captain of your ship. You have control over your own life—your spirit, your soul and your body. Jesus has delegated power, or authority, over Satan to you as a believer. You are to give him no place in your life. You are born of the Spirit of God. You are filled with the Spirit of God. You have been given the Word of God. Those three elements are enough for you to carry out your spiritual authority here in the earth. You don’t need any more power. You have all the power necessary. You simply have to exercise your authority. Jesus has already done everything necessary to secure the authority and power over sin, sickness, demons and fear. You have to employ the faith action to receive that authority and join forces with Him in this earth. You are the one to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

We Have Authority to Act as New Creations

           

Hebrews 2:14 says, “Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same.” Jesus partook of flesh and blood, so that you could partake of spirit and life. For you to partake of that spirit and life, you must take the responsibility of standing in the place of authority as the new creation in Christ Jesus that you are. You are born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the Word of God (I Peter 1:23). It was the Word of Almighty God that was injected into your spirit man to bring about the new birth in your life. When the Church was first beginning, Acts 12:24 described it as the Word growing and multiplying. The Word is in you, but you are the one who must be willing to allow it to work in you.

          

Ephesians 4:21-24 says, “If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; and be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”

          

You are the one in authority. It is your responsibility to put off the old man—the unregenerate man that you were before you accepted Jesus. The Holy Spirit does the actual work in you, but you must make the decision to allow Him to do it. God has never forced His will on any person. You put off the old man. You use the Word of God to renew your mind. You put on the new man, which is created in righteousness and true holiness.

We Can Minister and Walk From a Point of Authority

          

God’s power is in His Word. He is “upholding all things by the word of his power” (Hebrews 1:3). You need to learn to minister and walk from a point of authority. In His earthly ministry, Jesus said such things as “Be thou made whole.” “Take up your bed and walk.” Then Peter said to a lame man, “In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk” (Acts 3:6). He too ministered and spoke from a point of authority.

          

It’s time for you as a believer to begin to act that way. You have obtained an inheritance, and in that inheritance you have been given all authority. The God of the universe lives inside you! He lives and walks in you. Become God-inside-minded and you will begin to walk in this point of authority.

          

Keep right on building yourself up in your inheritance. You live in a world that is full of evil influences. Satan would like you to forget the reality of being born again and never realize your place of authority in Christ Jesus, because if you do, that power you walk in makes you absolutely dangerous to him. He has no defense against you when you walk in the power of God’s Word.          

When you see in the Word that you are in Christ Jesus, that you are in Him, then confess it with all your heart. Then you will be strong, standing in a point of authority and operating in your inheritance in Him. As you do this, the power of God will always be available to work in your behalf. Praise God!