Tuesday, 17 September 2013
Phases of single parenting: From surving to thriving Written by Jacqui Wright
Christian single parents are people living in a broken world who have to face the consequences of the brokenness, for themselves and their children. The majority are unwilling divorcees having to deal with a Christian spouse’s wrong choices and actions. Others are widowed or were unmarried. But the reality of Christian single parenting is the same for all – it is a hard task. We are not ‘Super dad’ or ‘Super mum’, but weak and frail human beings with unique needs and desires, like everyone else.
The single parent family is still able to be a fully functioning unit yet certain phases have to moved through to get to recovery and restoration:
- Survival: As the parent starts to cope with life one day at a time, so the children cope better with their daily routines including school. Coping extends from a daily to weekly basis, then longer term plans can be made. The parent and children may need certain types of counselling to come through any traumatic experience. Healing for all takes time and needs prayer as the Holy Spirit works with healing power. It is better not to start dating too early looking for someone to fix your situation, rather look to the Lord to be your Someone to meet your daily needs by his grace. Continued loving support from family, friends and the church community is required in this phase.
- Setbacks: However, all along the way there will be ‘setbacks’. The single parent is initially vulnerable and fragile. Coping with only ‘one significant adult’ means a juggling act, and sometimes all the ‘balls come crashing down’. This may be due to sheer exhaustion, physical illness, an emotional upset i.e. if dating, a break-up; teenage misbehaviour; work stress; and any unforeseen problems of life. The parent has to look to the Lord, stand up again and keep going forward in His strength. A ‘listening’ ear of a counsellor or trusted friend can help the parent move forward positively again.
- Stability: Once the stability of the family is established over time i.e. the parent is stable and the children are stable, the setbacks are more easily recovered. It is wise to try to change as little as possible in the children’s lives such as routines, home, school etc, unless absolutely necessary. Make your relationship to the Lord through the Word and prayer part of the fabric of family life; we pray in the car on the way to school daily. Foster a team spirit where everyone in the family is a part of the success of the whole. Encourage each child to do their part with specific chores. Most importantly, keep an open dialogue with your children and discuss any changes such as introducing a person you are starting to date. Make sure your children are comfortable with this process and the person.
- Thriving: A stable, loving Christian single parent family, who serve others, is a wonderful testimony to the Lord. People, especially non-Christians, ask ‘How do you do it? You work full time, have five children, are so strong and calm.’ And I can say, ‘It’s not me alone. I’m a Christian and God helps me. He gives me the strength and peace. And we have our bad days!’.
I made a conscious decision to put my children first, and realised that someone had to sacrifice for others to be blessed. I knew I may be single again for a season but that I could trust God to bless me with remarriage in the future if his will.
What has been your experience as a single parent? What has helped bring you through difficult times? And what advice would you give Christian single parents who are looking to start dating again?
Some more thoughts for Today, Christian Ministry
2 Corinthians 6
New
International Version - UK (NIVUK)
6 As God’s fellow workers we urge you not to receive
God’s grace in vain. 2 For he says,
I tell you, now is the time of God’s favour, now is
the day of salvation.
Paul’s
hardships
3 We put no stumbling-block in anyone’s path, so that
our ministry will not be discredited. 4 Rather, as
servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in
troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings,
imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in
purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere
love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God;
with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through
glory and dishonour, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as
impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying,
and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful,
yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet
possessing everything.
11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and
opened wide our hearts to you. 12 We are not
withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13 As
a fair exchange – I speak as to my children – open wide your hearts
also.
Warning
against idolatry
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what
do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light
have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there
between Christ and Belial[b]? Or what does a believer have in
common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is
there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living
God.
As God has said:
‘I
will live with them
and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they will be my people.’[c]
and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they will be my people.’[c]
17 Therefore,
‘Come
out from them
and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you.’[d]
and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you.’[d]
18 And,
Footnotes:
a.
2 Corinthians 6:2 Isaiah 49:8
b.
2 Corinthians 6:15 Greek Beliar,
a variant of Belial
c.
2 Corinthians 6:16 Lev. 26:12; Jer.
32:38; Ezek. 37:27
d.
2 Corinthians 6:17 Isaiah 52:11;
Ezek. 20:34,41
e.
2 Corinthians 6:18 2 Samuel 7:14; 7:8
f.
The Bible Panorama
2 Corinthians 6
V 1–2: PLEADING PREACHERS Christian workers plead with people to accept
God’s grace immediately and be saved.
V 3–10: TRANSPARENT TESTIMONY The
lifestyle of those serving God is to be transparent and spiritually minded.
Their testimony, in the face of much hardship and opposition, should reflect
God-enabled blamelessness, patience, perseverance, purity, knowledge,
longsuffering, sacrifice, kindness, love, truthfulness, power, consistency,
rejoicing, self-giving, generosity and contentment.
V 11–16:
SCRIPTURAL SEPARATION Paul appeals
for open hearts and states it is illogical, inconsistent and unscriptural to
compromise with worldliness and ungodliness. Christians are to walk with God,
who indwells them, and this calls for clear separation from unbelievers in
things that are doubtful or inconsistent. In this way they will have a clean
walk with God.
V 17–18:
FATHER’S FAMILY As His
children come out from uncleanness to separation, their Father calls them all
to experience the blessings of being sons and daughters of ‘the Lord Almighty’.
Their separation is in two parts—from sin and to God. Only in that way can the
family likeness be noticed!
The Bible
Panorama. Copyright © 2005 Day One Publications.
Monday, 16 September 2013
Sunday, 15 September 2013
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