“Can
men and women be just friends?”
As a single woman, I have wrestled
with the question a lot over the past 10 years.
When Harry Met Sally made the question famous, but it’s been one
we’ve been throwing around for at least the last century. Society’s changing:
the days of men in the field and women in the kitchen are by and large distant
memories, and today, men and women are side by side in just about every arena.
For the first time, men and women weren’t just meeting to get married and have
babies but to become co-workers and equals in the business world. Men and woman
had to learn to interact with one another outside of romantic relationships.
This is the world we live in now.
From school to work to the gym, men and women mix company. But can they really
be friends?
Yes, according to the Bible. But
having some guidelines and boundaries is wise.
The Apostle Paul gives us a simple
guide for how men and women can be friends in 1 Timothy 5:1–2, “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him
as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as
mothers, and younger women as sisters, in all purity.” So, treat younger men
and women as siblings, and older men and women as parents, “with absolute
purity” to use the phrase in the NIV.
The church should still be exercising
these boundaries in friendships today, especially between single men and women.
First, ladies:
·
Stop dating guys in
your head. Don’t assume a guy wants to be
more than friends until he communicates that.
·
Don’t manipulate. Don’t go out of your way to grab a guy’s
attention.
·
Stop flirting. The way you interact with men should make
them want to be more like Christ, not pursue you more than the Lord.
·
Don’t wear your
heart on your sleeve. Your brothers around you aren’t
your accountability partners. If what you are sharing with them (suffering or
celebration) doesn’t bring glory to God, don’t share it.
·
Dress modestly. Don’t be a distraction to your brothers; they
have enough of those in the world.
·
Communicate
clearly. This means all forms of
communication: texting, Twitter, Facebook, face-to-face, etc. Women should not
have to question your intentions every time they are around you or receive a
text from you. If you intend to just be friends with a woman, let her know. I
promise you she won’t break.
·
Let your actions
echo your words. Don’t single a woman out unless
you want to pursue her.
·
Don’t crave
submission. The women around you aren’t
called to submit to you unless you are their husband, father, or pastor.
·
Be a one-woman man. Not just sexually, but also emotionally. If
you are dating a woman, honor her by how you communicate and interact with
other women.
·
Don’t be a creep. Treat women as you would your own sister or
mother. Don’t single a woman out over a season and then just disappear.
Can men and women be just friends?
Absolutely, when we treat each other as our brothers and sisters in all purity,
give up our own selfish gain, and honor each other as we do our own family.
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