Christian Marriage and Dating

I was wondering… about playing against type

I had a type. It changed occasionally (OK, regularly), sometimes depending on the last film I had seen or whoever I had just passed in the street. But there was always someone – a hypothetical someone – who ticked all the boxes. An invisible standard, lurking in my subconscious, by which all potential suitors would be measured. I just had to wait for him to glide majestically into view.

And then I passed 30.

Maybe you’re there already; maybe the magical milestone is still to come, but whichever side of the big 3-0 you happen to reside, there’s something you might have noticed. Although I didn’t look dramatically different – well, apart from a sudden love for support tights and elasticated waists, obviously – once word was out perceptions changed. Have you seen ‘Bride Wars’? I won’t judge you if you say yes. Thanks to my hairy, tattooed brother (yes really) I have, and a concept from it stuck in my mind. In summary: 30 is the last age a man will go out with a woman of his own age; after that, he always goes younger. A woman over 30, therefore, should expect the attentions of older men, not men the same age, who would only be interested in younger women.

Hmm. Thankfully God didn’t write ‘Bride Wars’.

And yet it seemed some people enthusiastically bought into this notion. I was suddenly suggested as the perfect companion for significantly older men. In one case, I was solemnly assured, because the gentleman in question had “never grown up” (hopefully not one of those chaps fond of wearing nappies). I was also told if I could hang on for a few more years I could catch the second-time-rounders back on the ‘market’, or even bide my time, staring intently from a distance without introduction, for some poor chaps to recover from tragically being widowed. None of it seemed terribly romantic. Slightly alarming, yes. Sinister? Just a little. A pre-defined role as a companion to the heartbroken (or Peter Pan) and I – and maybe they -didn’t get much say in what happened next. So much for having a type. I was already being typecast.

But then I looked around at couples I knew and saw a lot more variety. Differences in age, culture, race, education, height, weight and background. Men older than women but also (gasp!) women older than men. One couple born on the same day in the same year now excited about becoming grandparents. Couples who met at youth group and university and church but also couples who met on blind dates, by chance in nightclubs, even on trains. Unexpected matches in which both flourished. Where types didn’t apply, because something deeper had kicked in.

So when long-time single friends* announced they had found love with older, divorced single parents despite having devoted years to hooking super-hot, younger, uncomplicated matches it made me wonder. On paper (or online) it can seem so straightforward. This is what I want. Don’t even talk to me if you don’t fit. The delightfully misused ‘God will give me the desires of my heart’ wheeled out to justify preferences, but unless we’re perfect (except me, obviously) we need to broaden our horizons. Let character, sense of humour, inspiring conversation, kindness, even differences and challenges, draw us to others. Prepare to be surprised. See what we might be missing. Say goodbye to types and hello to possibilities.

*Male and female. Did you guess? 

Written by Vicky Walker   Posted in: Dating, Singleness

About Vicky Walker

Vicky Walker is a writer and speaker, among other things. Her book ‘Do I have to be good all the time?’ about life, love and awkward moments is available now from www.vickywalker.info

http://blog.christianconnection.co.uk/i-was-wondering-about-playing-against-type/

* I made a decision, some time ago had to re-post other people's blog's but this caught my attention, so I'm reposting it.*

Christ,The Victor

Gustav Aulén writes in description of Christus Victor, "the work of Christ is first and foremost a victory over the powers which hold mankind in bondage: sin, death, and the devil."[3]:p.20

1 Corinthians 15:54 – 57 New American Standard Bible

54 But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, “Death is swallowed up in victory.

55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”

56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law;

57 but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Colossians 2:9-15 New American Standard Bible

⁹ For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. ¹⁰ So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.

¹¹ When you came to Christ, you were “circumcised,” but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision—the cutting away of your sinful nature. ¹² For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead.

¹³ You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. ¹⁴ He cancelled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵ In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.

Up from the Grave he arose

1.        Low in the grave he lay, Jesus my Saviour,

          waiting the coming day, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain:

          Up from the grave he arose;

          with a mighty triumph o'er his foes;

          he arose a victor from the dark domain,

          and he lives forever, with his saints to reign.

          He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!

2.        Vainly they watch his bed, Jesus my Saviour,

          vainly they seal the dead, Jesus my Lord!

          (Refrain)

3.        Death cannot keep its prey, Jesus my Saviour;

          he tore the bars away, Jesus my Lord!

          (Refrain)

A Wife of Noble Character Proverbs 31:10-31, Proverbs 18:22 and Psalm 128:3

Proverbs 18:22 Nlt The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and he receives favour from the Lord.

Psalm 128:3 Nlt Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table.

A Wife of Noble Character Proverbs 31:10-31 Nlt

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
    She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.

¹³ She finds wool and flax
    and busily spins it.
¹⁴ She is like a merchant’s ship,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She is energetic and strong,
    a hard worker.
¹⁸ She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
    her lamp burns late into the night.

¹⁹ Her hands are busy spinning thread,
    her fingers twisting fiber.
²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor
    and opens her arms to the needy.
²¹ She has no fear of winter for her household,
    for everyone has warm clothes.

²² She makes her own bedspreads.
    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
²³ Her husband is well known at the city gates,
    where he sits with the other civic leaders.
²⁴ She makes belted linen garments
    and sashes to sell to the merchants.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity,
    and she laughs without fear of the future.
²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise,
    and she gives instructions with kindness.
²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household
    and suffers nothing from laziness.

²⁸ Her children stand and bless her.
    Her husband praises her:
²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
    but you surpass them all!”

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Who’s Getting Rich With the Get-Rich-Quick Gospel?

Who’s Getting Rich With the Get-Rich-Quick Gospel?

How to Have Quality Time With Your Kids

How to Have Quality Time With Your Kids

10 Acts a Chivalrous Husband Should Show His Wife 4:00PM EDT 6/11/2013 ALLPRODAD.COM STAFF

Chivalry is a romantic idea, and often misunderstood. So first off, let’s be clear as to what the word really means. At FreeDictionary.com, chivalry is defined this way:

1. The medieval system, principles and customs of knighthood.

A. The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor and gallantry toward women.

B. A manifestation of any of these qualities.

2. A group of knights or gallant gentlemen. Fortunately for all of us—men, women and children—we have come a long way from medieval Europe, and a system of social protocols that made productive relationships based in equality virtually impossible.

However, there are deeper principles based on the values of self-giving love that still afford 21st-century men the opportunity to honor and respect their wives without the patronizing baggage of chauvinism.

So feel free to be your wife’s knight, ride up on your noble steed and demonstrate your dutiful affection via the following “10 Acts a Chivalrous Husband Does for His Wife”:

1. He always thinks of her first. This may sound like a no-brainer, but it’s also true that many of us play out our role as husbands while bypassing the brain as a matter of routine! Make this a personal discipline until it becomes second nature.

10 Ways to Teach Children It's Not All About Them

2. He opens the door (not just the car door, but every door, every time). Yes, the car door thing is cliché. But it—and every door—is such a good opportunity to let both our wife and the entire world know how you honor her.

3. He holds her hand. A lot. For no good reason. Just holding your wife’s hand with no ulterior motive lets her know she’s deeply connected to you and that you prize her affection. It signals warmth and protection. And that she’s the only gal for you.

4. He walks on the street side of the sidewalk. Remember walking? Remember sidewalks? This action has its roots in shielding women from the mud and the splash. However, splash or no splash, it’s a posture that says, “I will protect you; I place myself between you and danger.” Simply moving around to that side is a huge statement of respect.

5. He gets soaked fetching an umbrella. Again, it’s the principle of the action. You get the car, you run around in the rain and open the door, you shield her with the umbrella. This kind of initiative is a way of life, not a novelty action.

6. He coaches his children in self-giving love. Don’t let it stop with you, All Pro Dad. Teach your children, especially your sons, to look out for their mother and to put her first. Kindness, when they see it in you and practice it in their own lives, will heal your family.

10 Ways to Teach Your Children Humility

7. He serves her coffee or tea in bed in the morning. Don’t ride in on the horse, but do serve her in this way as much as possible. And it’s also a good idea when the whole family eats together, that no one takes a bite until mom lifts her spoon. It’s a way to honor her sacrifice of preparing the meal.

8. He is always courteous. Many men are un-chivalrous in the way they put themselves first and fail to think of the needs of their wives. Say “please” and “thank you.” Do not raise your voice. Turn off the distractions when you eat together (she’s more important than answering the phone). Make it obvious that the relationship is primary. Believe us, courtesy sets the tone and is always reciprocated.

9. He washes her car before he washes his. It’s the little things. Did you offer her the last cookie? When you poured yourself a glass of water, did you offer her one too? Did it occur to you to wash her car when you spent all afternoon spiffing up yours?

10. He stands up and takes the heat. Does she know you have her back? Was the repair guy surly when she talked with him on the phone? Is she getting the run-around trying to sort out the insurance claim? Was the waiter at the restaurant or the clerk at the store out of line? We’re not suggesting you go Rambo on these people, but consider stepping up and saying, “Excuse me, but it’s unacceptable for you to talk to my wife that way.” But leave the shield, the lance and the sword in the car.

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All Pro Dad is Family First’s innovative and unique program for every father. Their aim is to interlock the hearts of the fathers with their children and, as a byproduct, the hearts of the children with their dads. At AllProDad.com, dads in any stage of fatherhood can find helpful resources to aid in their parenting. Resources include daily emails, blogs, Top 10 lists, articles, printable tools, videos and eBooks. From AllProDad.com, fathers can join the highly engaged All Pro Dad social media communities on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.

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10 Acts a Chivalrous Husband Should Show His Wife

10 Acts a Chivalrous Husband Should Show His Wife